Why you can’t fix others (and what to do instead) | episode 04
Have you ever had an aha moment so profound that you wanted to shout it from the rooftops?
A realization that shook you to your core and made you want to tell everyone in your life about it? Maybe you discovered a new mindset practice, uncovered a deeply ingrained belief that was holding you back, or saw a new way of navigating life that felt so freeing you couldn’t keep it to yourself.
But then—when you eagerly shared it—you were met with resistance, skepticism, or indifference. They didn’t see it. They didn’t feel it. And it left you wondering:
Why won’t they just listen to me?
Today, let’s unpack why we feel the need to fix other people, why it rarely works, and what we can do instead.
Why Do We Feel the Need to Fix Others?
1. The Excitement of Discovery
When we learn something transformative, it's natural to want to share it with others. Think about how excited you get when you find a new restaurant you know a friend will love—it’s the same impulse. But personal growth and mindset shifts aren’t always as easy to share as a new favorite meal.
2. The Eldest Sibling Complex (or the Need to Protect)
If you grew up as the eldest sibling, you may have been conditioned to take care of and protect others. This instinct doesn’t go away in adulthood, and when we see people making choices that seem harmful or limiting, we want to step in and “fix” them. But what happens when they don’t want to be fixed?
3. The Fear of Outgrowing Loved Ones
One of the biggest hidden fears behind our desire to fix people is the fear of outgrowing them. If they don’t evolve with us, does that mean we’ll have to leave them behind? Convincing them to change can feel like a way to hold onto them—but it rarely works that way.
4. The Assumption That Knowledge Equals Change
We often believe that if someone knows better, they’ll do better. But knowing something intellectually and embodying it are two very different things. Growth requires emotional, mental, and nervous system readiness—not just awareness.
Why Trying to Fix People Can Backfire
When we try to force people into awareness, it often creates resistance rather than change. Here’s why:
It feels like judgment, not love. When someone constantly points out what’s wrong with your choices, it doesn’t feel like help—it feels like criticism.
It creates distance. If someone feels judged or preached to, they may start shutting you out or avoiding conversations altogether.
It reinforces resistance. The harder you push, the more they dig in their heels. No one wants to feel like they’re being controlled.
Instead of being the person who’s constantly trying to “fix” others, we can focus on embodying the change we want to see.
What to Do Instead
1. Live the Example
People don’t change because we tell them to. They change when they see something in us that inspires them. Instead of lecturing, focus on your own growth. When people are ready, they will come to you.
2. Offer, Don’t Push
Instead of saying, “You need to read this,” try, “I found something that really helped me—let me know if you’d like to check it out.” Give them the choice.
3. Recognize When to Step Back
Some people will never be open to your perspective, and that’s okay. You don’t have to be the one to wake them up. Sometimes, people need to experience their own journey in their own way.
The Takeaway
Your growth, your expansion, and the lessons you’re learning are making an impact—even if you don’t see it immediately. You don’t have to force anything. The ripple effect of your journey will reach the people who are ready for it, when they are ready for it.
So instead of exhausting yourself trying to convince others, focus on your own path. Your example will do more to inspire change than your words ever could.
And if the people you love never wake up?
That’s okay too. It was never your responsibility to control their journey—it was always yours to live your own.
💬 Let’s talk about it
Share your thoughts with us on Instagram @alifedifferently or through email (alifedifferently@gmail.com) to continue the conversation!
Hey there, I’m Ronni
I help people unlearn, heal, and step into a life that’s actually theirs. Around here, we question the rules, embrace the magic, and just see what happens.
When I’m not talking manifestation, you’ll find me lost in a new oracle deck, junk journaling, crocheting, or crafting miniatures for my dollhouse.