Keeping the Peace is Costing your Sanity, Let’s Talk About It | ep 10
What If Peacekeeping Is Actually Hurting You?
Have you ever been praised for being the bigger person? Told you were “mature” for staying quiet? Conditioned to avoid conflict, keep the vibes smooth, and not make things harder than they already are?
Because I have. And for years, I believed that was the right thing to do.
But what if all that peacekeeping is slowly chipping away at your sanity?
In this Let’s Talk About It episode of a life differently, I share a story that brought all those old habits front and center—and what it taught me about the real cost of silence.
"That’s not peace. It’s punishment."
While attending my little sister’s softball game, I found myself in a familiar emotional vortex. A seemingly small moment—a sharp, public reprimand from a family member toward a child—set off a tidal wave of inner conflict.
I remember turning back around and thinking, "I want to leave. I have to leave." But I didn’t say anything. And later, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My body was still buzzing, my head hurt. That’s when I knew—this wasn’t about jerky. This was about all the moments I’ve bitten my tongue and betrayed myself.
Why We Stay Silent (Even When It Hurts)
Let’s be honest: silence can feel safer.
I’ve stayed quiet to avoid drama.
I’ve smiled to keep things smooth.
I’ve been praised for being “mature” while falling apart inside.
But here’s the thing: silence isn’t always noble. Sometimes, it’s just survival. And deep down, it’s fear that’s keeping us quiet.
We fear escalation. We fear being labeled as too much. We fear that the backlash from speaking up will be worse than the thing we’re already enduring. And for many of us—especially in families of color—that fear isn’t imaginary. It’s generational.
I realized I wasn’t just keeping the peace—I was curating comfort for others at the cost of my own.
Peacekeeping Is a Form of Control—Even for Kind People
This was a hard pill to swallow.
Peacekeeping? It’s a sneaky form of control. And yes, even kindhearted folks like me do it.
I wasn’t just trying to keep the vibe smooth. I was trying to manage how others saw me. I was trying to avoid disappointment. I was trying to minimize conflict, all while sacrificing myself.
And when I saw it clearly, I couldn’t unsee it.
When Boundaries Become Non-Negotiable
As I processed what happened at the game, I had to ask myself:
If this person never changes, who do I want to be in their presence?
What protects my access to my sister and protects my integrity?
Can I say what I need to say in a way that doesn’t drain me further?
My answer? Boundaries.
Hard, clear, unapologetic boundaries.
Now, I don’t engage beyond surface-level greetings. I don’t stay in spaces where I feel unsafe. I don’t pretend things are okay when they’re not. That’s not cruelty—it’s care. For me.
I’m not here to be the bigger person if it means being the broken one.
Petty, Powerful, and Sacred: The Art of Releasing the Rage
Let me be real: I wanted to write a diss track.
I wanted to post a long-winded Facebook callout and let the whole world know what happened. That’s how fired up I was.
But instead of spiraling, I paused. I gave myself space to feel all of it. And then I let it out, in ways that honored both my anger and my alignment:
I danced. Shook it out.
I screamed. Loud.
I lit candles. Burned paper. Wrote it out and let it go.
I reminded myself: I am divinely guided, safe, secure, protected, and provided for.
Sometimes, your sacred rage needs a release before your calm can return. I honored that. And it helped.
Reflection Prompts for Your Own Peace Practice:
If this resonates, here are a few questions to sit with:
Where in your life are you confusing peacekeeping with actual peace?
What is your silence protecting—and what is it costing you?
If this person never changes, who do you want to be in their presence?
How can you honor your truth without abandoning your integrity?
Final Thoughts: You Are Not the Problem—You’re the Mirror
This episode ends with something I call the Petty Prayer. It’s hilarious. It’s biting. It’s therapeutic. You should totally tune in to hear it (even if it’s just for that, it’s near the end)
But beneath the sass and sarcasm, there’s this truth:
You’re not the villain. You’re the boundary.
If you’ve been carrying emotional weight just to avoid making waves, it’s time to lay it down.
Your peace matters. Your clarity matters. And just because you didn’t speak up then doesn’t mean you missed your chance to be on your own side now.
Mentioned in this Episode:
💬 Ready to Explore This More? Share your Story!
Listen to this episode of a life differently to hear the full conversation and personal stories on this topic.
Have you ever kept the peace and lost a piece of yourself in the process? Share your story with me on Instagram @alifedifferently or via email: alifedifferently@gmail.com
Let’s stop mistaking silence for strength—together.
Hey there, I’m Ronni
I help people unlearn, heal, and step into a life that’s actually theirs. Around here, we question the rules, embrace the magic, and just see what happens.
When I’m not talking manifestation, you’ll find me lost in a new oracle deck, junk journaling, crocheting, or crafting miniatures for my dollhouse.